dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
