i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
