She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I party with great urgency now.
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