dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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