I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
