I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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