plz talk dirty to me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
