It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Terrible idea I love it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
