I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
