I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
