My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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