Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
