very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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