So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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