i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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