It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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