This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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