she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
