Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
