It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
