omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
