it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
