if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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