My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
