it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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