come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
