There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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