I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize