I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
