what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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