I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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