the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
