Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
