he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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