You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
