Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize