Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
