I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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