4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
