I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
BRING THE BAGELS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
