I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
