carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
