i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
