so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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