My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
