I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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