well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
