Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
