I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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