Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
