I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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