Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
