She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
