quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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