You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
