Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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