youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
