i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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