Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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