508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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