is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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