WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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