so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
