Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
