Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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