He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
