You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
