maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
