Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
