someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
