Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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