Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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