eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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