She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm really busy with my period
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