Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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