I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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