corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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