Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
